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| Total Views: 346 - Total Replies: 6 |
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I am posting this to see if any body enjoys reading it,I am no pro at this and never really never write because i am never sure on the outcome of peoples reaction to it.This is like a two in one poem,I hope you all ENJOY.Critiq me! The beginning,the end and the beginning" -The beginning-To begin is to end? To begin is an ending and the end is only the beginning, to begin is to end. Both are forever,and both are never ? No beginning to end and no ending to begin. The beginning never happened and the end will never come. To ever beginning there is an end, to end is to begin?-The end-To end is to begin? To end is a beginning and the beginning is only the end, to begin is to end. Both are forever,and both are never ? No end to begin and no beginning to end. The end never happened and the beginning will never come. To ever end there is a beginning, to begin is to end?-The beginning-By Kenneth Knakmuhs
Edited June 7 |
Tell me what you all think...Good or Bad.
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first of all, i'm curious as to what inspired this particular piece (or pieces)? it sounds as if you're contemplating "the beginning" or "the end" or a meaningful relationship or pursuit...correct me if i'm wrong. i think the end (as in the ending of EACH part) is a bit disjointed...it's almost repetitive in a way that's less poetic and more like you couldn't think of anything else to sum up your feelings. this is just constructive criticism from a fellow amateur so please don't take offense and keep up the writing! --------------------------------------------------------------
waiting for my meal ticket to come... |
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I prefer "The End."
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Editor-In-Chief of Hater Magazine |
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I am pleased to hear your critique,and also pleased to hear that you wish to know more of this arrangement words "they" call sentences {oh and it is ment to be one piece but read seperately as two}"Just how there is a beginning and an ending".Both are together but they are seperated.And Well there are so meny things in my life that I could try and relate to and say it inspired me to write this,but it really is one thing and it was something I wrote down in a haze one day...It was as fallows, Forever is the ending-Forever is the reason we begin. After re-reading this over oneday.I decided to write...and this is what resolted,well more of a bunch of lines of words writing in my notebook.But I managed to construck them in this maner so it would be more coherent for others to read,I guess the main point to the writing is there is no beginning and no ending only forever.That is why you see the repetitiveness in it,does that make sence?!?I can saftly say I wrote alittle to much but I hope you ENJOY nontheless. --------------------------------------------------------------
"Did I sell my soul for this feeling?" |
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I think this is a very mind bending form a poetry. I certainly makes the reader think. Good job! Thanks for sharing.
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Well I edited the lines abit,Oh and when I updated it the font came out odd.I left it like it was.I hope you all still get a kik out of it. -Artif icialSound- --------------------------------------------------------------
"Did I sell my soul for this feeling?" |
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I'm glad you explained how the fonts came out funny - I found them distracting. I liked this and liked the way you communicated a feeling through poetry - though I think it would benefit from you putting it away for a while, then coming back to it. I think it could be tightened up a little bit to resolve what another poster called "repetitive." It's difficult sometimes to edit one's own work, so that's why I think putting it aside for a while might help. But I thought it was very good and evocative, especially if you don't write often - perhaps you should! |
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| 01/08/2009 |