dear england,

while i am certainly impressed that you managed to spend one day without constant news coverage of posh spice or kerri mcfadden, don't think for one second that i have been fooled by you're little "reconsideration" of "price harry" going to fight the "war" in "iraq."

signed, cassandra

so here's the deal, little prince harry is threatening to quit the army altogether if you won't send him to southern iraq to fight.  he says that there is no way he could train as an officer but then send his men to fight alone.  he demands to be on the front lines, this one.  you say that his presence poses an increased risk that insurgents will try to kidnap or kill him, putting fellow troops in unnecessary danger.  i pretty sure the best way to keep the third in line to be king out of harms way is to hire someone to make sure he doesn't buy anymore Hitler costumes for Halloween...but you guys insist on concocting this bogus story: "oh he wants to go so bad but we just can't let him do that to himself and others..." creating a situation where harry actually looks noble for backing out of his obligation to fight in this ridiculous, senseless war.  the bush family must be rubbing of on the royals, ick.

Dear Cassandra,

As our english-politics correspondant could you please write a piece on how that bloke Tony Blair up and quit yesterday.

Cheers!